Who would ever know the greater graces of comfort and perseverance,
mercy and forgiveness, patience and courage,
if no shadows fell over a life?
Ann Voskamp
Hello again!
Thank you for the kind and encouraging notes here and else where - They've made me happy and brought sunshine to the cloudy days!
I am doing much better now, the last 10 days have been without any greater trouble in the neck ... I feel light and "at home" in my body again - being grateful and relieved.
The past few weeks has been though a bit of an ambivalent mixture of:
- Moments with physical pain in the neck and head - and moments with absence of pain with deep relaxation and wonderful feeling of lightness in the body
- The feeling of time standing still yet hoping I could press a "fast forward" button in order to skip the next hour, as the tension and cramps in the muscles was about to start - and a wish to press a "pause" button when feeling the beautiful relaxation and bliss of easiness and well-being in the body
- Trust and hope that the treatments are working so I would "get my normal body and everyday life" back soon - and a fear and uncertainty in "what if" it is going to take a couple of months, or not going to happen at all
- The X-rays showed that there is osteoarthritis in the damaged vertebras in my neck - meaning that there are some "narrow" places where the nerve threads may be squeezed at times, causing the cramps and the pain.
So I am learning to adjust some things - To start with, saying farewell to the zumba and the step at the gym, replacing them with pilates, walks and swimming.
Courage does not always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying
I will try again tomorrow.
At the moment I am learning and adjusting to find out a well balanced ways, readjusting some routines and keeping the things, that still work fine ... Via trial and error, and careful planning:
I have experienced uncertainty if I can make it through the planned appointments ... Should I cancel some of them ... Can I manage to get home to lie down, if the cramps are about to start?
Yet, I have been able to experience God's faithfulness, peace and sustainment each moment, each day ... Having stepped out of the door, praying for His strength, even when still feeling the faint cramps in my neck...
It has been well enough for my body & soul.
I have been looking myself in the mirror, wishing to switch my neck to a better one ... (I still do) ... Yet this neck is a part of me - It has carried my head through all the years, It has been the resting place for our boys as they leaned on my shoulder, hiding their faces when seeking comfort - or bursting with joy ... and the feeling of my husband softly kissing my neck...
The following poem speaks to me in a new way now:
The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
Derek Walcott
It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth
until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.
John Joseph Powell
The value of the mirrors of love and acceptance - in the eyes of my family, friends, colleges and the church fellowship - cannot be measured ...
Today a friend laid her hand on my shoulder at the end of the service and asked, if she could pray for me, and we prayed together, experiencing the all surpassing peace of God. I was reminded of the words of Jesus in the Gospel of John: I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance. (John 10:10 AMP).
Our circumstances change, yet there is so much to be grateful for.
I'd love the share with you the short cheerful video on The Absence of Unhappiness - Revealing the pearls in our everyday life, that make it unique and wonderful:
The Absence of Unhappiness from Rachel Sutherland on Vimeo.
... Until next time,
Nina
Photos: iPhone 5S, Camera+, Snapseed, Mextures, VSCO, Over & Polamatic Apps
